Days go by...and still I think of you...
So, I noticed a few days ago that it was almost the 1 year anniversary of this journal. Well…I guess now that time has finally come. It’s officially December 10th, 2005. Last year, when I was just a lowly sophomore, I created this little place on the internet for myself as a place to express my deeper feelings. The ones that I felt were too serious for even my Livejournal.
So here I am. It’s a year later, and I feel like I’ve been through so much. I feel ten times wiser. I’m more experienced in certain areas, and I’m not as naïve about certain issues. I was trying to think of a certain topic to focus this entry on, and nothing came to mind at first, but then I realized that perhaps I could take this time to explain (mostly to myself, perhaps?) why I have three online journals in the first place. I think an explanation is in order for each one. Maybe it goes deeper than I know.
I started my first online journal during my freshman year of college. I wanted to have something out there to document my experiences and thoughts on those experiences. I had heard some things about Livejournal (and I fiddled around with it during highschool a bit), so I decided to go with that. That one actually started off being public. I typed EVERYTHING in there…how I was feeling, what was going in my life, etc. It was great; it was LIBERATING. Never had I exposed my feelings to the world in such a way.
However, I soon realized, after a certain entry, that perhaps my journal was a little TOO accessible. I guess in my excitement, I didn’t realize that so many of my friends actually DID read my journal. I knew that it was public, and I knew that the link was plastered all over my AIM profile, but I guess I never expected anyone to ever pay it any attention. After that particular incident, I decided that it would be best to make that journal private. The only people that are allowed access to it are people that I don’t know well in real life…i.e. my “internet friends”. Those are really the only people I’m comfortable enough with to share my deepest events and feelings with. Everyone that I’m friends with has been mentioned at least once in my LJ…good AND bad things…and certain opinions that I have are better left private, you know?
Even though I have three journals, my livejournal is the most important to me. One day, perhaps when I graduate, I want to go through and print out all of my entries, and maybe put them in a binder or something. Just in case the website ever goes under or anything like that. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost all of those entries.
My next journal I just created a little over a week ago. My Xanga is my foray back into the more public side of online journals. I even have a link to it in my facebook. I definitely tread VERY lightly with this one, considering my past experiences with my LJ. I don’t tend to name names, and I keep my most personal thoughts and feelings out of this one. Too many people who I know personally have access to this, and I definitely don’t want to say the wrong thing, because anyone can read that journal.
The thing I like about my Xanga is that it tells a little about me without revealing TOO much. It’s more information than you would receive from just talking to me, yet it’s not as much information as my best friend knows, for example. It’s a happy medium that I’m well…happy with.
Finally, I guess that leaves this journal. My blogger. Coincidentally, I post the least in this journal. I feel like even though this journal is public, it’s technically private. I don’t advertise this one as much. You won’t hear me talk about my blog, because I don’t necessarily want anyone to read it. It is out here, though…so if someone really wanted to find it, they could. I feel like this journal is the best of both worlds. Here you’ll find my deep opinions, but I state them without the use of specific names to illustrate my point. Like I said in an earlier entry, I discuss the ISSUES behind certain people, not the people themselves. I don’t talk about my daily life in here, because I feel like it’s not relevant; rather, I focus on the big picture. I try to restrict this journal to my larger, grander ideas. I am most proud of this journal, actually. I enjoy reading the entries over and over again, because I feel like I completely capture the essence of what I’m feeling at that time.
In this journal, I don’t hold back, because I don’t feel like I have to. It would take a person who knows me extremely well to know precisely whom I’m discussing, and I like that sense of mystery that that brings. If you want to know the TRUE Stephanie, I feel like this journal is the best place to look. It’s as close as one would get without actually being CLOSE to me.
So…I haven’t decided if this is a worthy entry for my year anniversary, but who said it had to be something groundbreaking? It’s important to me. That matters the most.
A final note: I always write my entries as though I’m addressing them to someone…an audience, perhaps. However, I am fully under the impression that no one reads this journal. So…if you ARE by chance reading this, would you do me a favor and leave a comment? It can be anonymous, or you can add your name…the choice is up to you. I’ve just always been curious about who might be reading this. I think that’s just part of human nature.
With that note, I bid you adieu. Happy birthday, my beautiful blogger. It’s been a great year.
So here I am. It’s a year later, and I feel like I’ve been through so much. I feel ten times wiser. I’m more experienced in certain areas, and I’m not as naïve about certain issues. I was trying to think of a certain topic to focus this entry on, and nothing came to mind at first, but then I realized that perhaps I could take this time to explain (mostly to myself, perhaps?) why I have three online journals in the first place. I think an explanation is in order for each one. Maybe it goes deeper than I know.
I started my first online journal during my freshman year of college. I wanted to have something out there to document my experiences and thoughts on those experiences. I had heard some things about Livejournal (and I fiddled around with it during highschool a bit), so I decided to go with that. That one actually started off being public. I typed EVERYTHING in there…how I was feeling, what was going in my life, etc. It was great; it was LIBERATING. Never had I exposed my feelings to the world in such a way.
However, I soon realized, after a certain entry, that perhaps my journal was a little TOO accessible. I guess in my excitement, I didn’t realize that so many of my friends actually DID read my journal. I knew that it was public, and I knew that the link was plastered all over my AIM profile, but I guess I never expected anyone to ever pay it any attention. After that particular incident, I decided that it would be best to make that journal private. The only people that are allowed access to it are people that I don’t know well in real life…i.e. my “internet friends”. Those are really the only people I’m comfortable enough with to share my deepest events and feelings with. Everyone that I’m friends with has been mentioned at least once in my LJ…good AND bad things…and certain opinions that I have are better left private, you know?
Even though I have three journals, my livejournal is the most important to me. One day, perhaps when I graduate, I want to go through and print out all of my entries, and maybe put them in a binder or something. Just in case the website ever goes under or anything like that. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost all of those entries.
My next journal I just created a little over a week ago. My Xanga is my foray back into the more public side of online journals. I even have a link to it in my facebook. I definitely tread VERY lightly with this one, considering my past experiences with my LJ. I don’t tend to name names, and I keep my most personal thoughts and feelings out of this one. Too many people who I know personally have access to this, and I definitely don’t want to say the wrong thing, because anyone can read that journal.
The thing I like about my Xanga is that it tells a little about me without revealing TOO much. It’s more information than you would receive from just talking to me, yet it’s not as much information as my best friend knows, for example. It’s a happy medium that I’m well…happy with.
Finally, I guess that leaves this journal. My blogger. Coincidentally, I post the least in this journal. I feel like even though this journal is public, it’s technically private. I don’t advertise this one as much. You won’t hear me talk about my blog, because I don’t necessarily want anyone to read it. It is out here, though…so if someone really wanted to find it, they could. I feel like this journal is the best of both worlds. Here you’ll find my deep opinions, but I state them without the use of specific names to illustrate my point. Like I said in an earlier entry, I discuss the ISSUES behind certain people, not the people themselves. I don’t talk about my daily life in here, because I feel like it’s not relevant; rather, I focus on the big picture. I try to restrict this journal to my larger, grander ideas. I am most proud of this journal, actually. I enjoy reading the entries over and over again, because I feel like I completely capture the essence of what I’m feeling at that time.
In this journal, I don’t hold back, because I don’t feel like I have to. It would take a person who knows me extremely well to know precisely whom I’m discussing, and I like that sense of mystery that that brings. If you want to know the TRUE Stephanie, I feel like this journal is the best place to look. It’s as close as one would get without actually being CLOSE to me.
So…I haven’t decided if this is a worthy entry for my year anniversary, but who said it had to be something groundbreaking? It’s important to me. That matters the most.
A final note: I always write my entries as though I’m addressing them to someone…an audience, perhaps. However, I am fully under the impression that no one reads this journal. So…if you ARE by chance reading this, would you do me a favor and leave a comment? It can be anonymous, or you can add your name…the choice is up to you. I’ve just always been curious about who might be reading this. I think that’s just part of human nature.
With that note, I bid you adieu. Happy birthday, my beautiful blogger. It’s been a great year.
posted by Stephanie at
1:22 AM
